Now, most people get in a relationship because they’re after some emotion not another job true or false and for most people it comes a job and then many people encourage them to stay with the job which is a nice thing but wouldn’t it be nicer to have them enjoy the job and not have it feel like a job and the only way to do that is we’ve got to rejuvenate the individual there’s nothing worse nothing on earth than two emotionally unfit people put together because what is a relationship’s purpose.
why do we get in relationships someone tell me to grow to experience love to be happy to learn deep spiritual lessons to have someone to thank you sir very good some of them too now here’s what’s interesting everything you would say to me whatever you’re going to say to me about why we get in a relationship underneath it if you say so we can make a difference in the world together but why do you want to make a difference because it’s going to make you feel something there’s only one reason.
we get a relationship to magnify human emotion that’s it that’s god’s gift how many of you when you’re excited about something first thing you think about is who you want to tell or share it with how many of them related in some way say I so some people use a friend but the intimate relationship if it’s not only safe but there’s real love and passion there’s no greater place if there’s trust if there’s respect there’s no greater place for this but the challenge, of course, is most people don’t have it at that level and one of the reasons again is there’s not that emotional fitness here’s what you got to know people feel they find their center of gravity and then they blame their partner emotions are a habit and when we go to the relationship.
all we do is magnify the mand then we find reasons to back them up those people use 9-1-1 as horrible as it was I said to them all of them you get a feeling you’re sad you’re going to feel sad as horrible as it is that 3 000 people diedguess what 4 000 people die of cancer and heart disease every day in this country and they’re men women children aunts uncles mothers and you’re not sitting around crying about them every day why you’re so selective in your compassion because what we did is focus on it and then people use that to produce an emotion that’s what people do in a relationship listen I’m here today to talk to the gentleman in the group but in case of any ladies are watching today as well here’s my question for you ladies how many of you cannot stand a man who can’t make a decision.
how many of you cannot stand the man who at one point in the relationship he’sthere for you and now he doesn’t feel present at all how against that a man that can’t tell you the truth and now that i’ve stirredup the ladies this really a video for men so gentlemen i know youknow there’s been women in your life who havefelt in the beginning started much passion for you and then gradually you guys seem to drift apart and you love each other but there isn’t that same aliveness that same sensuality or sexuality or excitement together anda lot of men think that’s women that creates it i would argue to gentlemen that if you and i take responsibility and we dig underneath and we understand what the triggers are that make women turn off then we can turn them back on and not by some stupid technique but by the thing that affects most women the deepest and that is your presence most women are starving for a man who’s present what does present meanit means the man who is right here with me 100 right now his mind isn’t doing 20 other things and i know gentlemen it’s hard to be present.
when a woman is talking to you and she’s talking about so many things so quickly very often thatdon’t relate because a woman’s brain has something called diffused awareness it means they take in everything all at once it isn’t multitasking it’s literally transitioning not even transitioning experiencing multiple conversations and people at one time where as men tend to focus on one thing at a time and when a woman starts doing that most men’s brains click in and they try to focus on one thing they can handle and they’re no longer present if you’re in your head and you’re not connected that woman she doesn’t feel that presence and presence is what opens a woman presence is what causes a woman to open to you sensuallysexually emotionally her heart her soul the whole nine yards ladies correct me if i’m wrong there’s nothing more powerful than presence when there’s real love involved so and often women respond to a man who doesn’t even love them but who’s present for them where they feel like there’s nothing else in the world but me right now.
gentlemen, you know how to do that when you’re in the zone in sports you are so present when you’re in the zone trying to solve a problem you were so there and you probably were still there when you were pursuing this woman but if you can train yourself to bring that presence back regularly you can own your woman like she’s never been on where she will literally melt to you and I don’t think most women who are feminine would argue with what I’m sharing with you right now if they do they can not only talk back to the video they can write some comments down below wherever this thing is posted so what makes women also feel you do not present when they feel like you’re not honest and most men are truly honest but they just don’t want to deal with what they call the that must be the technical term right they get for telling the truth because she disagrees about it and men get worn out by words.
men were happy to resolve it but finally they’ll just say yeah yeah okay okay when you say yeah yeah okay okay and it’s not really okay with you you’re notpresent so she gets even more animated see most women they don’t want to please her they would like to be pleased but they don’t want to please her apleaser is trying to do anything he can to make things work they feel there’s no presence in that man he has no center he has no strength they may like him but it’s going to be hard for them to respect him and if she doesn’t respect him there’s not going to be a lot of passion and if him as you that’s a real problem you and i both know whether you’re asingle man who’s meeting women or whether you’re inan intimate relationship so i thought may be what i’d show you is one example of how women perceive dishonesty with men perceive it as just leaving things out so they don’t have to deal with more challenges and how to deal with it differently and ican tell you that verbally but it might be better to witness itwe were in hawaii recently and there was a gentleman there sharing with usthat he has so much difficulty just dealing with his wife she wants him todo things like do the dishes and he says i run abusiness and if i don’t do the dishes she feel doesn’t feel like I love herand i said well then why would you just do itat times.
because i do at times but it’s like every time and so she’ll ask me you know you know am i gonna do dishes and i say yes andthen i don’t do it then she gets mad at me and i saidyeah because there isn’t anything authentic i said why don’t you play yourwife right now and let’s talk about whatever she’supset about and i’ll just be me but i’ll put i’ll be you know i’ll bemyself if i was you and you’ll just watch this little videoand it’s pretty simplistic all i basically say is no i’m not goingto do it and he was shocked when i demonstrated this but i didn’t do it harshly i didn’t say you should go do these dishesi don’t have the delusion that that’s the woman’s job i just said i’m notgoing to do it this is a higher priority buti also don’t think it should be your problem and i’m committed to working outa solution but i’m not going to do this and there’s some things that youprobably don’t want to do i don’t want you let’s work this outit’s coming from a place of congruency and people can feel when you say what you mean and you mean what you say versus when you’re placating so i know this is third grade at one level like we all know this intellectually but knowing intellectually and doing it is the between having a passionate.
relationship in a relationship where you’re constantly accommodating each other an accommodation doesn’t produce passion might have a relationship with there’s some friendship but again the only difference between you know a friendship and an intimate relationship is an intimacy and real exciting intimacy is when people feel your presence feeling dishonesty you’ll take it away so watch this quick little video real simple and see what you get out of the gentleman and think about if you might use that same sense of presence that’s already inside you that you use in business or sports with that woman and not let the past wear it out you might be surprised women very often when they feel that strength it excites them to see you have a standard and you’re not going to be swayedtake it out and then maybe show this even to a woman in your life and see if she agrees she might say tony robbins are so full of it that’s a bunch of crap my bet is she’ll say yeah smack you on the shoulder.
that’s what i’ve been trying to tell you be present with me and uh instead of you know saying welli’m sorry i’ll do better just deliver it maybe this week is the time valentine’s week a time for you to find your own center the way you do inbusiness the way you do we have a purposedo that with a woman in your life the game will change i’ve always wanted to know the answer toa question i’ve been obsessed by the questionof what makes the difference in people’s lives i was not popular in school iloved people so i was passionate about figuring outwhat’s the difference in people you know whyis it that some people are given everythingyou know the type they really do have parents that love them that are therefor them they have tremendous educationalbackground they have all the economic resourcesand they end up spending your life going in and out of rehabyou know they have all the resources and then you meet somebody who’s beenyou know abused or no one’s been there for them or they’ve been physicallyabused or sexually abused or the worst things you could possibly happen to a human being and they turn out to be some of thefinest human beings you’d ever meet in your life who are out there working tohelp other people and make a difference.
so we all want to believe that our liveshave turned out because of our biography and the reality is we can all findpeople with a horrible biography of an extraordinary life and we have peoplewith an extraordinary biography who have a life that none of us would want totrade with so what’s the real challenge and ibelieve that the challenge in relationships and in life in every areais emotional fitness that it starts with how emotionally fityou are in a relationship and there are patternsthat make people emotionally unfit there are patterns that make people frustrated they’re patterns that make people depressed they’re patterns that makepeople angry they’re patterns that make people feelsorry for themselves and they’re also patterns that make people compassionate playful physically passionate emotionally strongand so i believe number one that the mandate for any great relationship a mandate for anybody to leave their own life and not be a follower isyou got to see things as they are but not worse than they arebecause that’s where most people go that’s where they go on relationshipthat’s why they start to tear it down that’s why the relationship starts tobreak down because people get scared when is it working outand then they make it worse than it is so they don’t have to trybecause they don’t want to try again and be disappointed.
they don’t want to feel that sense of rejection they don’t want to feel that sense of failureso most people make it much worse than it is people tell me all the time oh i’mskeptical or i’m pessimistic i said no no you’re gutlessit takes no guts it takes no courage to be a pessimist to say it’s not goingto work to try to find out what’s wrong what’s wrong is always availableso that’s what’s right so i’m not into positive thinking but i am intointelligence and intelligence says see it as it isdon’t make it worse than it is many people all the time say um myproblem is i am huge bone no you are freaking fats inform the truthyou recognize what’s this huge bone tale you knowthe most effective manner it receives better is if you can see how it is don’t make it worsethan it is don’t try to make it so it’s impossible to change that’s not trueit’s not true at all the second mandate i think to changing anything in yourlife to believe in your life is once you see it as it is not worse it is then yougot to see it better than it is because that’s the thing that’s missingfrom most relationships there’s no visioni mean without a vision in the bible it says people whatperish and when a relationship has no vision for greater than where they arethat relationship is going downhill if not destroyedi believe that.
every relationship every part of life every part of a human beingneeds a compelling future if the future is not more compellingthan today today could be tough but if the future is compelling we can getthere and that’s what every leader does andevery one of you in this room and i know some of you arehere i guess from the general public as well just for your own relationships i really acknowledge you for but i know you’re from the military herei know the therapists here people from allwalks of life you’re all leaders what’s your job to lead your job is to helppeople see it as it is not worse than it is what’s your job help them create acompelling future see it better than it isso there’s a reason to give my all again otherwise there’s just no juice there’sno energy why they’ll go through the motionscomplain with each other not really believe it’s going to workand nothing will change and then finally the third step that we’ve all got to doif we’re going to change our life or anybody else’s is make it the way we seeit and that’s where strategy comes in i tryto take things that are complex and make him as simple as possiblei’ve noticed most people in psychological world try to make it ascomplex as humanly possible because it makes us feel sosophisticated we can talk with all these complex words and elements and so forthand we can really you know we got our degrees and wewe’re somebody but you know what that doesn’t help anybody so i look for anickel word to get to the heart of something i’ll try to take somethingcomplex and make it simple so that people really will apply itand that’s the focus here
